My Journey with Anxiety

Photo courtesy of Elsa Tonkinwise on Unsplash.

Anxiety. It’s something we all experience. For some of us, it may be rare. For the rest of us, it can be consuming. Many people have asked me what anxiety feels like. I can’t tell them because it’s difficult to explain because it’s different for everyone. It feels like a rollercoaster than never ends. It feels like a wave that never crashes onto shore.

YouTuber Meghan Rienks made a video called What Having Anxiety Feels Like. I remember watching this video for the first time and relating to a lot of it. I suggest you give it a watch.

The weird thing is, at least for me, my journey with anxiety didn’t start until middle school. So, let’s start there.

Where It All Began

It all started in middle school. Let’s just say that I hated middle school. It’s not just because of my anxiety during that time but everything that caused it to explode.

So, sixth grade rolls around and I was pretty excited. I knew people from my elementary school who were going there which was great. The thing that was so horrible was that fact that I was placed in mostly remedial classes because of my test scores in my state’s standardized test. If you asked me to pinpoint exactly when my anxiety came about, I honestly wouldn’t know what to tell you. I think it was a combination of everything. It just was too much for me to handle.

The Next Steps

I ended up staying in public middle school for a month and got homeschooled for a month. My fourth grade teacher came and visited me which really meant the entire world to me. I visited a private academy where my Grandmother worked at the time but I just wasn’t comfortable there.

My mom found a school that was relatively close to our house and it was a lot smaller than I was used to. There were only 60 students in the entire middle school. We visited the school before I started there, I wasn’t as comfortable as I should’ve been in the beginning but it ended up working out for me in the long run.

During my time there, I experienced my first relationship and found out that my anxiety was nothing compared to what many of the kids there had on their plates. While I was there, I sought out therapy which was one of the best things I could’ve ever done. My therapist taught me different ways to distract my mind. Unfortunately, I can’t remember a lot of what she told me now but it was helpful back then.

Onto the Next Adventure

Once I graduated middle school, I knew I wanted to return to public school so I went to a public high school. I wasn’t anxious because I knew people from elementary school that were going there which was a huge plus.

During my sophomore year, I moved to a new county, town, and part of my state. It was nerve-wracking. The fact that I was moving to a place where I didn’t know anyone and I was about to start a new high school was scary. This situation was a normal one to be anxious about because it was new.

My anxiety was through the roof days before I started junior year. I couldn’t think straight. All I could think about is every negative scenario that could happen. This is what I do when I have panic attacks. I just think of every negative possibility that never pans out. 

Anything new that appears at any point in my life scares me, even the smallest of things. Starting community college was scary. University wasn’t as scary as I thought it would be.

I’m thankful I have my family, especially my parents who did everything they could to make me feel comfortable and find ways to for me to live a balanced life. Thank you if you’re reading this.

I Have Anxiety. Do You Have Any Advice for Me?

Now, you’re probably thinking: “Okay, so, do you advice for anyone out there that experiences panic attacks and/or anxiety?” Yes, I do. Here are some things you can when you feel a panic attack coming on or when you feel anxious.

• Talk to someone. Talking can be difficult because it is for me. I want to talk to someone but find my mind in endless loops. Talk to a parent, friend, teacher, school counselor, or a therapist.
• Breathe. I know this may be a typical answer but focusing on your breathing can help. It distracts your mind and helps self-soothe.
• Write. As a writer, I find writing to be quite therapeutic. I love writing my novels when I’m stressed or anxious, it helps me escape what’s around me and in my head. 
• Create something. This can be a drawing, painting, or whatever your creative little heart desires. Art is designed to be a form of therapy in a visual sense.
• Exercise. This doesn’t have a full-blown workout. Go for a walk or a jog. Exercise helps ease stress and anxiety.

Remember that you are not alone. I thought I was. But you are never alone.